nikki morris

Through the Looking Glass

2010-02-10T12:03:00.004Z

Well since Christmas life has been busy, I have done stage props for a local dance school and had a crash of confidence and was seriously questioning what I am doing as an artist, and whether I should just give up completely.--Its not come to that.....yet! Although I genuinely believe you wouldn't become an artist without it being something you can't help! You paint away, people expect to pay a pittance for your work and then you get criticised....great career move!
So on a more positive note, I decided January 2009 that I would give it two years, then decide whether its easel or shopping trolleys...so I needed focus.
Here's where my new exhibition came in, it provides focus and dedication...and passion and excitement. So I booked it. The date WAS firm but now its not, as I would like to move it to the 4th of November as it just happens to be the date that Alice Through the Looking Glass begins...what a lovely drop of serendipity, that date falling on a Thursday is. I also began reading the book 3 nights ago before I decided my theme, and the first page has 'Dramatis Personae' on it...I like signs like that...so Through the looking Glass exhibition is born.
My initial thought on Through the Looking Glass' is to do all paintings on 8 x 8in canvases (small intense pieces playing on the chess board theme) I want to incorporate the looking glass too...I am fascinated by this idea of the mirror image, I have found symmetry artists and anamorphic artists, but want to produce artwork that you can view 'as is' but also that the true image is revealed when a mirror is held to it...(all my name plates and write ups next to the images will be mirrored too) and mirrors (and right way around catalogues) will be provided at the exhibition. I use the huge mirror at the top of my landing on EVERY piece to check it, right throughout the painting process as it gives you a new view to iron out mistakes.
So I am thinking along the lines of illustrating, to some degree Through the Looking Glass, but with my own twist on each piece, how I feel about life etc as its uncanny the things contained with in that book, time going backward, that everything is reversed...in the style of my surrealist stuff of the previous exhibition...possibly some printing. Do all of the sketching as I would do normally, but then on transfer to canvas I mirror them to paint...this is in the very early stages, so still thinking.
For now I am researching mirrors, theories, myths etc and reading the book. I will then re read the book and take notes of all the things that come to my mind as I read. The book offers so much scope and I love the idea of bringing a much loved book into the art arena where all the edges of literacy, film making and art get ever more blurred.
This project has me excited, I want to make the space I will be exhibiting in as much part of the experience as I am allowed, so its not just a space for displaying the work. I want to create an exhibition that's totally cohesive, and designed in its entirety from the beginning. I am also hoping that the paintings will create lovely cards, and also due to the size of each canvas they will be more affordable. This size also allows me to paint just about anywhere, not limiting me to just the studio...so come the long summer holidays I can continue working whilst taking care of my son and his inevitable entourage!
November seems a long way off, but I hope to produce more works than I need, to allow for choice and experimentation....a chance for me to grow throughout the project. It should also allow me time to continue with the pin ups, commissioned works, and continue selling my previous work.
So here's to the beginning of winter and exploring the altered reality, my reality, that is Through the Looking Glass. Wish me luck...a new exciting journey ahead....and never a better time to be reminded 'Don't Stop Believing!'

All change...is good!

2009-11-03T19:49:00.006Z

'If...But...I miss you!' Acrylic on Bockingford 24cm x 30cm

Since the summer, much in my life has changed and after a long period of being unable to spend time in the studio, I finally got back in the saddle. After a review of the work I did leading up to the exhibition, it felt time to take a break from the deep and meaningful surrealist style for something a little more light hearted.

This step and decision to try something completely new and very different was a difficult one to take, as a 'proper' artist seems to retain a subject and style, and many stay committed only to that. Creatively it is a step that I need to take though and so the change has been necessary and hopefully successful!

My long standing fascination with 50s fashions, style, furnishings, lifestyle and books combined with my love of tattoos has lead me to try my hand at a contemporary twist on 50s pin up girls. I love the cheekiness without the crude, in your face sexual connotations. Typically work by artists like Gil Elgrin I love dearly, although Alberto Vargas' work is also stunning!

I am currently researching pin up artists and thoroughly enjoying the process. Current pin up artists like Ralph Burch and Olivia De Berardinis show very different styles, both of which I admire but do not wish to directly emulate.

The first pin up I have created 'If...But...I miss you!' took quite a while to design, to try and find something close to the style I want to achieve, and also to find the right medium and support. I am very pleased with the finished result but can see with more experience of this style, my confidence will improve and hopefully the paintings will grow with me.

I feel very at ease with this style, love every single pencil mark and brush stroke....the subject is so typically me, right to the core...and for now I want to explore this road, even if it does shatter some illusions of being a 'proper artist'.

The painting can be bought on Ebay, ending 8th November 2009...thankyou for looking!

Journey - Private View

2009-08-04T15:07:00.003+01:00

Well the night finally arrived for the Private View of my first solo show 'Journey' at the Hive Gallery. I was very nervous, but in the end so busy chatting to folk that I didn't even get in to see my work until 8.40pm.

People travelled from far and wide, wonderful people that came to support me. Some took time off work, and for that I am truly humbled.

The night was more than I could have asked for, in excess of 80 people came along, the sun shone and I became new best friends with Gin and Tonic...unsure how I missed that one before, very nice drink. My former lecturers came, Jan and Denn, and as ever Denn gave me some ribbing. My son wowed people and organised as much as possible...he even wanted to sell my business cards, little monkey!

I got a great deal of positive feedback, all the worries about my head being out there on canvas, I need not have done...for some it wasn't their thing, but that's to be expected. People were generally very positive...even Denn...and *blush* Jan wanted my signature.

When I did finally get into see my work, I was chatting to someone about the egg that is inside one of the assemblages, its meaning, how I achieved it etc. When I looked up a very crowded gallery were all listening and watching....a very scary moment!

Thank you to all the people that came, made this once in a lifetime show (I will never have another first show) a wonderful evening with fantastic memories to cherish forever.

After the show a fair few of us piled into the pub, and that was excellent too...many giggles, a chance to catch up a bit with friends I love but don't get to see too often. Then a very small group of us came to my house and chatted and laughed the night away till about 2.40am...I didn't want it to end!

Now I am working on getting the photographs and videos up that relate to the show. Had some technical problems, but its certainly getting there! Hoping to upload for all to see very soon.

My exhibition continues to run until the 16th August at the Hive Gallery, Elsecar. Opening times 12 - 4 Thursday to Sunday. If you are heading down there and fancy a natter, drop me a line and it would be nice to come down and meet you. My work from the show is for sale now too, if you require a price on a specific painting before I manage to get a shop working, please don't hesitate to get in touch. Commissioned work is also available.

Finally another huge thank you to everyone for attending, and to all my Twitter lovelies that supported me on my journey to actually get there! A special thank you too to my Husband Darren Morris for his support in so many ways, my beautiful unstoppable son Hayden for just being who he is, my best friend Mat for all his unwavering support in the hard bits...and last but by no means least to Tracey Johnson for her support and making the gallery a great place, oh and painting the floor with hours to go! A beautiful lady that I hope will be a good friend for many years to come.

Apothecary's Chest

2009-07-20T23:57:00.002+01:00

Acrylic on box canvas, 50cm x 50cm x 4 piecesPLEASE NOTE: A better photograph will be provided of this painting shortly.

Apothecary's Chest was inspired by its title, which came along in a book around the time I took delivery of Stan the stage prop. I researched what an Apothecary was and found it was an old name for a healer.
An Apothecary's Chest was the chest of drawers he/she had someone else carry which contained a whole manner of items in order to heal the people. This inspired the idea of the 7 Sins, ancient yet modern ailments that cannot be healed, even by an Apothecary. Here is my interpretation, visually, of the 7 sins:
Cigar - GreedChocolates - GluttonyPoison Ivy - EnvyLipstick - LustPeacock feather - VanityBroken bottle - AngerBubbles - Sloth

Gnothi Seauton

2009-07-20T23:14:00.002+01:00

Assemblage

24in x 12in x 43in

Polystyrene, acrylic paint, feathers, duck egg, stone.

Picture to be revealed 31 July 2009, after Private View of my first solo exhibition, Journey.

Exhibition from 31st July to 16th Aug 2009 at the Hive Gallery.

There will be a 360 degree video of the assemblage on my site, on this date.

Gnothi Seauton, latin for Know Thyself. This assemblage features part of the poem by Alexandra Pope 1688-1744

...Alike in ignorance, his reason such

Whether he thinks too little or too much:

Chaos of thought and passion, all confused;...

on the front of the assemblage made from a polystyrene stage prop, affectionately known as Stan the Man. The concept behind this artwork is a further exploration of the inner fragility we all posses. The hollow inner of the prop is lined with luxuriously soft pure white feathers, representing how delicate and beautiful we all are on the inside. On a feather covered pedestal in this cavern is a duck egg which has carved into it the simple Mickey Mouse logo, to show how we don't always take ourselves seriously. Contained within the egg is a peacock feather, a symbol of the soul, held captive within such a fragile object. The clouds and blue sky painted onto the front exterior of the assemblage reminds us that the sky really is the limit, boundless dreams can come true if only we take ourselves seriously and listen to those inner feelings and thoughts, our driving innate spirit....

Diva - Dramatis Personae

2009-07-20T22:28:00.004+01:00

Assemblage

8in x 8in x 13 in

Breeze block, glass, plastic, enamel, human hair.

Picture to be revealed 31 July 2009, after Private View of my first solo exhibition, Journey.

Exhibition from 31st July to 16th Aug 2009 at the Hive Gallery.

There will be a 360 degree video of the assemblage on my site, on this date.

Diva - Dramatis Peronae, affectionately known as Maud, is the first assemblage I have embarked upon. The concept behind this assemblage is the inner self always remaining young and true to the innate spirit we have within all of us. Whilst the outer shell plays the many different roles we perform throughout our lives, often a bigger over dramatised version of the inner self, stimulated by our surroundings and societies expectations fuelled by the media in its massively influential forms.

Diva also expresses the inner child, the feeling inside where we never grow old, even though we make our way through the various stages of life, that inner child remains young, free, but often trapped by others expectations of us.

The Control Theory Formula (Lyapunov) that is scribed onto the rear of the inner head, represents that the inner self, even if we are unaware, is often in control anyway, and to live authentically and be happy, giving full control to the childlike spirit within, brings the most fulfilment.

Invisble Dreamer

2009-07-20T22:12:00.002+01:00

Acrylic on canvas paper 9 x 18.5in

Invisible Dreamer was unfortunately left out of my blog, but was completed some time ago, around February 2009. The image was one of the first surreal paintings I embarked on, but was fuelled by Modern Man and paintings in that similar series.
The puppeteers hand is still ultimately controlled by another source higher up the 'food' chain. Once the hooks are in its almost impossible to escape. The puppet is motionless, defeated, in the check mate that is life in the Western world. Caught in the trappings of work, finance and climbing invisible ladders, not really knowing if that ladder is indeed lent against the right wall.
The plum blossom represents a glimmer of hope, that all is never what it seems and from small buds of hope, you can blossom in to a world that you can make your very own.

Rollercoaster

2009-07-04T13:41:00.009+01:00

Well here I am at 13.48pm on 4th July 2009 hurtling at breakneck speed towards my show, here at the Hive Gallery. I am sat here in the gallery looking after it while Tracey is away, its voluntary and I love it, even after two weeks of 4 hours with the same dvd going around and around, and the projector giving up the ghost at any opportunity it likes!

The private view of my first solo exhibition takes place here at 7pm on the 30th July 2009, it seemed an eon away when I first booked it. I booked it originally to force myself into a routine of work, as my son had just started full time school giving me more time to paint. The time is easy to whittle away though, with out a goal. I can honestly say, hand on heart, that I really didn't think it through at that point. I booked it with that sole purpose in mind and that was as far as it went.

Now I am 24 days 5 hours and 9 minutes from the private view. GULP! Actually I am pretty chuffed with my little self, as I gave myself 6 months to get some work done, after most of my previous work was sold and I hadn't really painted since Hayden was born due to Post Natal Depression and a series of operations. That was the beginning of my Journey, and my aim to get some work completed that I was proud of, which I have managed. Another sub aim was not to go rearranging the gallery date, ie postponing it. Ok I admit I thought about it, more to do with nerves than lack of work, but no, I am here and my work will be hung on the 28th July 2009 ready.

Its been a long journey to date, this past 6 months, learning to take myself and my work seriously enough to feel 'worthy' of putting on my own exhibition. I still have doubts from time to time, my inner Diva screams the place down in a massive stressed strop, but once shes safely tucked up back in her box I actually believe I can pull this off!

Its a pretty scary ride, as some of my artwork prior to Hayden being born had little direction, did not fulfil me creatively as it could, and sole aim was for sale. From January I gave myself 'permission' to create whatever I wanted without the usual constraints of commercial appeal etc. I have given myself 2 years till January 2011 to see where this path in my life takes me. I now paint with heart and soul, its my head out there on the canvases and assemblages, a chance for people to see what makes me tick, what gives me fire in my belly, how I think....and sadly of course to judge me. Its that bit which scares me.

I have invited people from many different periods in my life, some people I haven't seen for years, and some I have never even met. The thought of them all in one room makes me want to run for the hills! Equally though it excites me, to show people that have helped me consciously or inadvertently just by crossing my path in big ways or small, what I have achieved. I try not to think about it too much for the sake of my own sanity, what they think matters to me, even though ultimately its me, myself and I.

I have no one to blame if this goes belly up. I have no excuses if I am criticised. I have no where to run and hide if I am laughed at.....its all my own doing! But through those thoughts I have reached the point where it feels authentic, true to who I am and what I am trying to achieve but most of all the ultimate in living my life the way I want to....I am living my dream, this is it and it really doesn't get any better!

For all the long nights, the staying in when I want to be playing out, the frustrations, the knee knocking wobblies, living each day doing what I truly love to my very core is the way to go. I count myself as very lucky to be experiencing this in my life, no matter what happens. Even if the show leads nowhere, is a disaster, no one turns up....I did it, I did what I set out to do and carried it through, and I am proud of that.

I am currently painting my final piece for the show, 'Apothecary's Chest' a painting over four canvases, and simultaneously working on another assemblage. I probably would not have ventured into the 3D world again had I not been doing this show, and am thoroughly enjoying exploring my artwork in a three dimensional way...I have come full circle as I started out in my career doing three dimensional design (Industrial).....its a funny old world!

Anyway I have a show to plan, sketch walls on to bits of graph paper and figure out exactly what will be including.....on with the show!

Perfringo!

2009-07-04T13:03:00.004+01:00

Acrylic on box canvas 24in x24in

Perfringo! is the Latin word for shatter, breakthrough. This painting is a celebration of the discovery of a new way of thinking, the inner duality caused by social conditioning, can be fought and defeated....leaving you free to be authentically you to fly!

The butterfly represents freedom and blossoming of the individual and the ivy tells the tale of entrenched thinking and societal expectations holding us back...it needn't when trusting and thinking for yourself.

Three Theorems

2009-06-01T13:43:00.003+01:00

Acrylic on box canvas, 36in x 24in

Three Theorems is a painting to link my forthcoming show at the Hive gallery, to the other artists show on at the same time, Adrian Pritchard. His exhibition is called Unstrung Theory and encompasses strings of paint.
I began by researching the String theory, which lead me a merry dance into other theories and equations, and my mind being what it is came up with this ensemble of objects. The Butterfly represents just that, the Butterfly (Chaos) theory and the apple, Newtons theory of Gravity. The sky and dandelion represent time and space, while the violin has close connections with Adrians title of unstrung theory.
I thoroughly enjoyed this painting, it was challenging technically. I am ready for a slight change in direction now and hope to be working on a male nude painting or some surreal type sketches, although I will get around to both in the fullness of time...all being well!

Journey

2009-05-21T14:29:00.002+01:00

Wallpaper by Phigment

Just a small town girl, living in a lonely world. Took a midnight train, going anywhere....Don't Stop Believing, Journey.
Very Oddly for me, I actually feel like blogging. The image above is not mine, but is gorgeous and sums up visually me and where I am at right now. For those that don't know, my 'tuther name is moon, a name that came about many moons ago through the Internet and I just feel an affinity with, more so my name than my own (given to me by parents).
Right now I am working towards my first solo exhibition....its scary, exciting and allot of hard work. Since Hayden went to full time school in January 2009 I gave myself two years from that point to make a go of the art career. With this I have given myself 'permission' to paint whatever I want, not to a commercial market, but things that make me tick, that feeds the fire in my belly, that make me feel alive...to want to live the dream.
Things are moving at a fast pace, my invitations are winging their way to me, printed on large format postcards. My list keeps growing of who to invite, requests keep coming in, so its all go. I am obsessing about what dress to wear, although thanks to some wonderful Twitter friends, and my best mate Mat, I think that is sorted...it will be a spotty pencils dress, 50s style. Probably not the norm, but I never did that very well anyway!
I try and place myself in the gallery on the night and my stomach takes on a life of its own, I am very excited, but believe it or not can feel very shy and self conscious...although outwardly I seem confident and outgoing (which I feel most of the time). Its a tricky thing having that much attention, and as a note to self I will NOT be making a little speech, and have instructed people on this too, even if after a couple of glasses of tiddlypops I think its a great idea, no no no...don't let me lol. I will save those bits for the celebrations across at the pub afterwards.
Its going to be an amazing experience, having people there that I haven't seen in years, mixing with my current life peeps....like my life flashing before my eyes, I just hope my work doesn't disappoint all those people that have made me who I am today. Thank you by the way, to everyone who has crossed my path in anyway, shape or form...for without you and even the smallest interaction, I would not be doing this :-)
My exhibition is called Journey, due to it being a snap shot into the beginnings of my current one, and also because of the song....Don't Stop Believing, is a great moto to live by.
For now I must go, paint some more, it won't do itself....and if my strange ramblings have you intrigued at all, drop me a line, always nice to Tweet new peeps...so long, farewell, fellow travellers.

Cradle to Grave

2009-05-08T16:18:00.003+01:00

acrylic on box canvas 40cm x 50cm
Cradle to Grave was conceived with the idea of entering it into a competition, the only really eligible category was still life, so that's what I set out to do. This painting shows beginnings to endings, ie the egg is representative of the start and the dying tulip a symbol of the end. Loosely in my mind the books describe knowledge gained throughout life, and the wall solid foundations.
I have always been fascinated with tulips, their very surreal dying phase as they wither away. I also love the juxtaposition of very unrelated things being forced together to tell a story. I particularly enjoyed including a Tromp L'Oeil frame on a box canvas, giving the viewer a framed perspective on another world.
I thoroughly enjoyed this painting and it will be featured in my forth coming solo exhibition Journey 27th July 2009, as well as in promotion and literature for the event. I have chosen not to submit this piece to the competition now as I think my show should take priority at this time.
Its also a piece that I would like to continue into a series, to see where this Journey takes me.

Moons Echo

2009-05-08T15:59:00.004+01:00

Acrylic on box canvas 20in x 30in
Moons Echo was conceived after seeing a picture by another artist in a very different medium. Although my painting bares little resemblance to that picture it was the inspiration and catalyst for this painting. The male nude is bound by chains in an academic world where all his hopes and dreams are floating away. The painting also shows that unseen forces hold the ends of the chains which are not fastened, even though they swaddle the man.
The two faces represent youth and maturity, a life lived by someone elses standards and series of life events. The painting does however offer hope, as the chains remain unbound and the knowledge of a life lived can serve him to find that the world truly is his oyster, and to shoot for the moon.

Modern Man

2009-03-13T13:27:00.004Z

Acrylic 24in x36in box canvas
Modern man was originally called The Persistence of Memory but throughout the painting, it became more disturbing to me and less about memory and more about the trials of 21st Century life. A fellow Twitterer, Corey Cochran, sent a Tweet stating that the painting evoked in him that its how many people feel right now, so with this the name changed to Modern Man.
I wanted to show the inner turmoil felt by many men being chained to a life they had not envisaged as part of their life plan, a creative step along from Delirium pro tempore. Being bound and trussed on all levels into a roundabout life of confusion, dissatisfaction, with someone else holding the chains that bind. An almost impossible life that is only just tolerable, but keeps us bound by previous life choices like marriage, career, children and all the other social pressures we have heaped upon ourselves.
We all make choices day to day, big ones, small ones, all of which we cannot completely comprehend the full consequences of, two months, or 20 years down the line....Modern Man is my interpretation of this.
Its been a difficult painting to execute, at one point I was ready to give it up. The image as it evolved was disturbing, touching on feelings with in me of vunerability, both personally and in that of showing the piece, and gave way to memories for me of suffering Post Natal Depression, being tied to a life I wasn't ready to live, that of a baby, marriage etc. With support from some wonderful people on Twitter I persevered and this is the result...and as Corey put it 'it strikes emotion, good or bad, that's what art should do'.
Note: a huge thankyou to @anartistexposed, @ronnietucker, @curly768, and @Shifty77 for their support and encouragement doing this painting, without you it would be consigned to file b1N.

Delirium pro Tempore

2009-03-13T11:33:00.004Z

Acrylic 10in x14in box canvas

Delirium pro Tempore is a snap shot of the fleeting insanity felt when communications are so misunderstood, especially between men and women. Sometimes I find the opposite sex completely unfathomable, and have seen that I provoke this same sense of impossible~ness of thinking to the men in my life, past and present.
I wanted the piece to scream without screaming, speak without speaking and convey the all consuming frustration that is felt when finding someone elses opinions and thought processes totally impossible to get the head around, or that the language may as well be that of another planet for all the sense it makes. I enjoyed the disturbing nature of this painting, achieving something that shouts from a silent object is something I am proud of.

Encore

2009-03-13T11:01:00.005Z

Acrylic 24in x 24in on box canvas

Encore was a continuation of Curtains up, the theatre of arguments and sometimes the unenviable position of provoking violence, when the argument spirals out of control. The painting illustrates the impending doom of the situation, the grandiosity of the perpetrator and that although its a difficult subject its one many of us have faced or do face in our lives.
As mentioned in previous blog posts I adore men, their beauty, strength and humour, but the flip side can be scary and painful to live with. I have also found from experience that theres a sense of theatre to much of an argument, whether that's the persons involved personalities or an unconscious homage to the violence in the media, I am unsure...I have lived through it, played my part in it, survived it and painted it.

Curtains Up

2009-02-19T22:54:00.005Z

Curtains Up Acrylic on box canvas 12in x 12in

Curtains Up speaks differently to people. I thoroughly enjoyed this piece, a singing? yawning? man. The image for me is the start of an argument, the point where it turns from heated discussion to the beginning of the battle, a fine line, a point which we can see crossed. The painting began in my mind with much more to it, words coming out of the mouth, an idea to try and capture the lessening of listening as the situation goes down the pan. In the end the image that I painted didn't need all the extras, just the mood, the expression and the lighting on the face captured the essence for me, which speaks out in many different ways to the viewer, probably to do with experience and expectation from life projected on to a frozen image.

Its title aptly describes the shenanigans we all come across that are employed when someone wants to make themselves heard over and above everything else. I do only apply, at the moment anyway, the depicting of these strong and often negative emotions to men, because its how I have experienced them, I can FEEL them, been on the receiving end of those emotions and behaviour, and hopefully bring them to life again in my paintings.

Why? I don't have the answer to that. Am more than sure these images don't have mass commercial appeal, that many won't even like them. Should that stop me painting them and hanker after painting something more appealing? I don't know. But for the time being anyway, I need to go along with this and see where it takes me, its a scary road, but one I am excited about and I can honestly say I am loving painting from this place. Maybe its a blind, arrogant egotistical place to paint from, but for me its just honest and free forming, allowing myself the creative freedom my current situation affords me, and one I am finally allowing myself, without the self imposed shackles, of paintings being universally saleable. Maybe the penny has finally dropped! Being an artist is the only profession you can remain penniless and still remain respectable with your dignity, if not bank balance intact ;-)

Double or nothing...

2009-02-19T21:36:00.002Z

Jester 2 Pen, ink and graphitint pencil A2

Been a while since I blogged, but I have been painting, honest. Jester 2, is a sequential piece arising from Jester. I wanted to portray the two faced personality trait I come across from time to time. I used my original drawing and mirrored the face with some adjustment, but also I liked the way the arms mirrored, which seem to make sense at first glance but actually don't...possibly more of an expression of how I find personalities than the direct depiction of the 'two faced' aspect.

Again in the scribble series, aims to portray the smooth and shade with rough and line. The mask again hides the eyes (I see a pattern emerging, there must be something Freudian in there, somewhere) and reflects the deceit, lies, honesty and truth we are all capable of.

This drawing marked a shift for me, something changed inside me as an artist, a feeling which has reared it head before with fleeting glimpses (some of the male nudes and certainly the corseted women), to paint what I FEEL, not what I want people to admire. A risky move in some respects, as it leaves me wide open and vulnerable in many ways, marks out ever more clearly that I don't fit in (neither a good nor bad thing, it just is) be it my artwork or me generally. Quite a theme for me of recent weeks, and probably it having its roots planted in my art that have snaked out and unsettled most other areas of my life. I am now trying to be somewhat more positive and see it as a metamorphosis from my former self and art to a new and more reassured way of being. Time will tell I guess, but already the artwork means far more to me than it has done in years, as does the act of painting, I feel connected finally!

2008-12-03T10:38:00.010Z

Scribble series...

'Jester' 59.4cm x 42cm. Indian Ink on 60lb cartridge paper.

I read the autobiography 'Celebration' by Graham David Smith many moons ago, and the jacket photograph always struck me as really beautiful. Given that I was at a bit of a juncture with my artwork, I used that to get me started again. My work often has elements of duality, opposing forces, things that don't automatically go together, so I took the smoothness of the human form and used a scribble type effect that's quite harsh and vigorous to portray the shading of the form.

I have a strange thing for Venetian masks at present, so I combined the two, baring the nakedness of the torso with the covering of the eyes for concealment, such honesty and vulnerability with deliberate disguise. The history of the masks depict that they were used to originally enable 'fair trade' between the classes in C12th Venice between the trades people and the upper classes, but their use soon became utilised to cover all sorts of gambling and debauchery, especially between the classes.

I love the idea of the stunning loud gregarious masks being used for such secret liaisons, a way to disguise in order to be completely true to oneself. A trait we all have to one degree or another. The layers and facets of the human mind often have this weird duality, I know I do.

My current piece is based directly on this duality, using the 'Jester' and doubling up the image to produced a reversed mirror effect, a two faced man. So with that I will leave you and continue with the piece, hopefully completing today.

Distortion contortion...

2008-11-13T15:07:00.006Z

BLOG

Reclining male nude 2008 - Homage to Modigliani. Acrylic on Canvas paper 46cm x 30cm.

Well the piece is finished and I have mixed feelings, as although I enjoyed it and its turned out OK, the distortion and possibly contortion of the figure jars somewhat. Possibly had I drawn the female form Modigliani style first and then drawn my version from it, it may have turned out better. Not for the bin, but certainly one to stay in the portfolio.

I have a more pressing situation on my mind. For around five months I was a nude model for a local artist. It was the challenge that drew me, as I have had in the past a very dim view of my body. I got fat, got thin, got pregnant, suffered allot of birth trauma physically, got fat again and then got way too thin, finally steadying down to a little larger than I am now. I decided to take a different approach to being more self accepting and went on a voluntary basis to sit for a total stranger (male) who paints VERY realistically (hes much like Freud) and had trial by fire.

It felt awkward and strange at first but then it became absolutely fine, totally no different than sitting there WITH my kit on. Well sadly the artist had to give up his studio so the painting didn't get completed. But today he gave me a bell and his exhibition opens tonight, and he REALLY wants me to go, as one of the initial sketches that was completed has been put up for all to see. Its really quite scary, as in theory I felt fine with this notion, that maybe one day I would be on public display, now that time has come I am very nervous and am seriously considering a disguise! Because a strange part of me is drawn to going, I don't feel I want to make my excuses. So I am going to go, but maybe via the real ale pub for a spot of dutch courage, so I dare walk in a gallery full of mainly strangers having a look at me and all the bits I don't like. Also there is a possibility that there is further modeling work for a class situation, and I have to ask myself is that scarier than modeling for a perfect stranger? I will have to wait and see.

The other reason I volunteered was to be around creativity and 'art' to try and bustle me along, and it did the trick. Just being around a painter really inspired me to WANT to paint, and I got to meet other artists in the HIVE and generally just make connections.

Which kind of lead me to thinking how much Twitter has become part of my life, having artists regularly popping up pictures of their latest works, and words about their trials and tribulations is just a fantastic thing! Being alone in a studio for hours at a time is both sublime and also my worst enemy, too polar conflicting feelings, and Twitter bridges some of the feelings of isolation, and for that I thank those lovely people! Keeps me motivated and away from the lows that can sometimes accompany being home alone for many hours.

I think that's about it, a world record, two blogs in as many days, so I shall be off and try and calm my nerves before I go tonight...I shall report back on what happened.

Tragedy to Optimism...

2008-11-12T10:26:00.029Z

BLOG

Reclining Nude, 1917 Amedeo Modigliani (Italian, 1884–1920) Oil on canvas; 23 7/8 x 36 1/2 in. (60.6 x 92.7 cm) The Mr. and Mrs. Klaus G. Perls Collection, 1997 (1997.149.9) http://www.metmuseum.org/toah/ho/11/eust/ho_1997.149.9.htm for further information.

...a fitting title for the type of yin yang sort of gal I am. All or nothing approach the to world of bloggerism, which I feel I must try and find a balance for. Or maybe the acceptance over the years of the woman I am is quite enough and I will blog when the mood takes me, less pressure that way.

Above, is a piece by the tragic artist Amedeo Modigliani, an artist to which I return some 18 years later. For my GCSE Art I chose this chap to study for my finals. Even back then I loved the controversy my study and subsequent exhibition caused, as I interpreted his work through my eyes using the male form (and probably the very first time I had used the naked male in my art). I remember the hushed twittering of fellow pupils and teachers in the reception area of my High School as a full frontal nude of a male was placed on the wall, grubby fingers poking and silly grins of the stereotypical pubescent teenager taking notice of the work I had done...a bizarre feeling of accomplishment was what I got out of it, besides my A grade. I am still not 100% sure why, I suppose its the exhibitionist in me that rears its head and gives me a bit of a giggle. Unfortunately in the summer of 1990 my school was destroyed by a massive fire and my whole portfolio died a tragic watery death in cell block E, along with similar take offs of other artists like Dali and the Persistence of Memory, another interpretation with melting syringes (a big drug campaign was around at the time) instead of clocks.

So I hit 35 years old in October and came across, completely by accident, a Bio on Modigliani, who tragically died at the age of 35 of tuberculosis, aided by heavy alcohol and drug consumption. He was totally penniless and often peddled his artwork in exchange for meals at restaurants, or for his vices. Anyway, it just seemed fitting to have another go at interpreting his work through my eyes, seeing as I have made it past 35 (just) and am penniless. I love a certain amount of strange random connections when I begin a piece. Even though the above is my current inspiration, it was not the work I used for my GCSE, which promptly came to me half way through this painting. I have started so I will finish! But may end up reproducing the one I know I used in my exam for my next piece.

It just seems a really lovely way to take stock of the work I have produced to date, and my embarkation on the new to move forward, with phase 1 of my website now (finally) floating around the ether. Looking back over the work I have produced over the years raises many a question and memories, like the male nude I exhibited at a church...oh the twittering was an absolute scandal! 'Twas only a rear view though, I was being empathetic! See I just can't help it, the parishioners nearly choked on their ginger nuts!

And the most important question that keeps me vexed is 'to paint (what sells) or not to paint' (what sells)? What is the answer? Always a HUGE dilemma. Do I go safe and paint pretty pictures which sap my soul but have a wider audience, or maverickly continue in my quest for my own signature style in the male nude market, which has a limited and shy audience? Do I commit to a style and limit my enthusiastic creativity? Is that the signature of a 'proper artist' ? That of being known for a regular style and/or subject? Is it the trail of immaturity artistically to be so random in style and possibly subject? Should I be concerned with such questions or just let my creativity and desire lead the way? I don't have the answers, only optimism that all will become clear.

So for now I will finish this painting in front of me, hopefully tomorrow it will be up here for all to see, and continue in my randomness of thought and deed to muddle my way along my master plan. The plan, at the moment, includes painting more, blogging more, Phase 2 of the website which will include paintings for sale and the probable opening of an Etsy store and Deviant Art store, and my first solo exhibition next year, possibly in the summer and then and thereabouts learning the art of self promotion though magazines, hopefully, and other galleries. Its a plan!

Since committing to my artwork again, absolutely loving the process (finally) again, I feel a whole new world awaits me to explore and adore, I am like a child in a sweet shop...only a very distant memory now, are the years since the birth of my son, where I wanted to destroy all my art materials and never paint again, it was the blackest part of my life, Post Natal Depression. There's a lot to be said for time as a great healer. From tragedy to optimism, an all or nothing approach, which goes hand in hand with the yin yang gal I am.

Me and my men....

2008-10-14T13:07:00.007+01:00

'Spined' Mixed media on canvas paper 260mm x 410mm

'Farfalla' Mixed Media on Watercolour paper 390mm x 560mm

....are at one, lol, well at least paintings of men are. I adore their form, the beauty of strength combined with naked vulnerability. Here two very different pieces, the first 'Spined' using the new Inktense pencils from Derwent, really beautiful to use and do what they say on the tin! I did a sketch with some shading with the pencils dry then once complete sprayed the whole surface with water to make the colours come to life. The yellow turned out a little too intense for my liking so worked over in silver wax crayon, which I then scumbled over with silver polishing powder (used for painting models of cars etc) which stuck to the wax leaving quite shiny silver areas while the powder just softened the yellow where I didn't have wax. An unusual painting for me but with much gained from experimenting with different media.

'Farfalla' (Butterfly - Italian) was produced in a similar way but using Derwents range or Graphitint pencils. Again worked dry then once shaded water sprayed onto it. Its didn't quite have the effect I had thought it would and it tended to puddle (I didn't stretch my paper - bad girl) so I blotted and was pretty disappointed. I left it to dry then worked on top with a slightly dried up marker pen and copper leaf. The background was achieved by painting with a wash of Prussian acrylic paint, then used a crackle medium to be finished with a layer of Paynes Grey acrylic straight from the tube. Not a bad result, and very useful in terms of feedback from using the various media, and it was the first time I had used leaf in any work...it has a mind of its own! and still getting to grips with that in order to get the best from it.

Long time, no see.....

2008-10-14T12:27:00.009+01:00

'Big Ideas' 914mm x 914mm Acrylic on Boxed Canvas

Well its been a while since I last blogged...mainly due to the summer holidays and my son Hayden been off school, leaving precious little time to get creative. Sadly my website seems to have lost momentum, Hubby is doing it and hes busy, and don't suppose he would appreciate me keeping nagging...so its seems on the back burner for now. At least I can shimmy the blog along and my tweets, both of which have stood uncomplaining waiting for me to pick up where I left off.

I was pretty strict with myself and when time became more readily available was totally focused on the commissioned painting for Ensembli. That is now complete, having loved the challenge of doing it, and it being so far removed for my 'normal painting styles and topics. Hopefully 'Big Ideas' reflects Ensembli (a new start up company based in Sheffield) as the blue skies company it is, originating in its industrial setting of the old Aizelwood Mill, with its solid brick foundations and feet firmly on the ground. When Ensembli hit the big time they will have a permanent record of their roots as the fly high and into the future. The painting was well received and now resides in their offices at Aizelwood.

I am currently in quite an experimental mood, wanting to push the limits of different media and introduce new media. Working this way is opening new horizons if not producing master pieces, but does afford me the freedom to explore and experiment battling against the easy option of sticking to what I know and typically what sells...always a quandary which can stifle and suffocate even the most creative.

Enjoying using metallics in the form of crayon, gold/copper/silver leaf, metallic paints and silver rubbing powder I acquired from somewhere and have never used. Maybe the results are not always what I expect but I am like a kid in a candy shop wanting to run around and just make marks.

So after I have updated this blog with the finished Ensembli painting, and my latest two experimental pictures I am looking forward to painting some more, possibly using corsetry as the initial starting point. I hope within the next few weeks my website will be up and I can finally build it and get the business cards sorted from Moo...I have so many ambitions for over the next year of which this and my website are the foundations, so onwards....

Flirting with beginings

2008-07-09T10:32:00.006+01:00

914 x 914 cm canvas, the base for the Ensembli painting. Painted up in graduations of colbalt blue as the first stage.

Sketches and ideas for the Ensembli painting.

Well its a week of all go, my blogger template is working and I love it, which means that this design can be worked back through to the rest of the website now and subsequent business cards. Hopefully if the plan comes together the site will be a smooth transition throughout, nothing flashy, just a simple site to show my work as I begin to take my work seriously again after having Hayden...its taken me long enough! I am excited by the site and it appears that it will do exactly what I wanted, and hopefully I can integrate links etc to external galleries and artists sites as I go along....exciting times.

The second major beginning is this new painting for an office building in Sheffield, for a company called Ensembli. Using the logo and its location I have come up with a concept that seems like a goer, just the fine details to iron out. I wanted to express thier Blue Skies attitude to thier product, its roots and foundation both in the physical building and industrial heritage of Yorkshire. To reflect the impact that thier ideas have/will have on the world and the ripples of influence those ideas will generate. The emergence of the bubbles from the chimney represents how ideas can become reality yet the solidity of the chimney gives grounding. I am also aware of making these concepts work away from Ensembli and as a stand alone painting and I think it manages to achieve both.

Latest painting...

2008-07-08T10:53:00.007+01:00

Alpha Male II

26 x 18 inches, Acrylic on Canvas board.

Latest painting, part of Alpha Male series, looking at the shoulder and arms of the beautiful male. Playing on the strength of the male role. I have tried to express the lifting up, guidance and safety of the male, and to honour the beauty that is the male.

Brand new day...

2008-07-08T10:51:00.002+01:00

...well here it is, my first blog, and just a small piece in my aim for world domination. Seriously, it is time for me to take my artwork seriously again, and so heres my blog that I am commited to updating showing what I am upto in Nikki World. The blog template will provide the benchmark for the rest of my site which is currently being designed. The theory being that the site then will be seamless throughout and totaly integrated.

All being well the site should be functional within a couple of weeks and my job then is to get the detail in. For some reason I REALLY liked a particular style of gallery and so thats causing a bit of a problem, which I am assured will be sorted.

Thats about it from me, onwards.....